im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
