I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
