The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
