So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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