I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
