Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
