Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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