Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
