Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
