I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
