Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
