Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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