you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
