I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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