Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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