I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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