I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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