Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
