An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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