i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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