There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sorry about my life...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
