you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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