Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Holy shit dude........stairs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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