I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
