So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
