cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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