I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
