We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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