does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
