I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
