I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
