we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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