i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
