I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize