when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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