Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
