my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
