Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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