Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
