John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
