I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
