I think I died a long time ago.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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