Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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