The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
