she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
