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my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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