38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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