oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
