why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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