I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
