We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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