I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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