when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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