yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize