i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Fuck appropriateness.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
