I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I love having hate sex.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
