Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
