I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
