I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
