Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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