allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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