I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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