and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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