Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
