Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
