did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
