peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
