Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize