I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
