If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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