At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
