I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
