using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
