You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
