It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i would punch a child for taco bell
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
